I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
