I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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