Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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