Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
