Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
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Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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