I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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