I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we made out on top of his cat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize