Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
