Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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