we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
