So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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