I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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