theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
