I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
