Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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