when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
