I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
