i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
