Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
