the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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