we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
