Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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