piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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