I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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