I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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