You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.