erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.