I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?