Texts From Last Night

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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes

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  (618): Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes http://tfl.nu/lxst
  Replies (12) Good night (623) Bad night (4048)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me

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  (646): I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me http://tfl.nu/nl48
  Replies (20) Good night (4769) Bad night (1028)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.

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  (503): My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it. http://tfl.nu/89xj
  Replies (40) Good night (5489) Bad night (3713)
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  (212): View more from New York

  so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before

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  (212): so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before http://tfl.nu/29hu
  Replies (16) Good night (2148) Bad night (4543)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..

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  (425): there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room.. http://tfl.nu/dpny
  Replies (17) Good night (5896) Bad night (1191)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.

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  (262): Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta. http://tfl.nu/1aj3
  Replies (29) Good night (6646) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense

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  (406): I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense http://tfl.nu/qajt
  Replies (48) Good night (5639) Bad night (1568)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.

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  (+44): 24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good. http://tfl.nu/55h0
  Replies (13) Good night (7236) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day

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  (847): You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day http://tfl.nu/8r8f
  Replies (8) Good night (2259) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.

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  (724): I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser. http://tfl.nu/pdzm
  Replies (6) Good night (559) Bad night (1988)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP

  (207): View more from Maine

  Do we still have any pizza left from last night?

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  (207): CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP (207): Do we still have any pizza left from last night? http://tfl.nu/ytp9
  Replies (10) Good night (785) Bad night (621)
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  (925): View more from California

  You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub

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  (925): You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub http://tfl.nu/o6o5
  Replies (0) Good night (509) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.

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  (310): I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed. http://tfl.nu/5cad
  Replies (4) Good night (1423) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.

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  (831): I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it. http://tfl.nu/3v3l
  Replies (2) Good night (225) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted

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  (734): he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted http://tfl.nu/3ywr
  Replies (2) Good night (188) Bad night (517)

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