i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to