Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
