turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
