My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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