Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
