I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
