FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
