how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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