in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
