Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
