i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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