Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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