shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
