So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
