Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
