remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
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She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.