I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.