Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
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I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
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I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?