Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods