i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT