I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
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yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
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Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.