her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He felt like a one man threesome
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.