His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
