you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
