Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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