she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
