I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
