im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
