Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
