Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
