I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
