IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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