Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
