I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
