god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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