It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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