girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
its liver damage thursday
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