the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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