she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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