This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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